If you know me then you know that the “L” in L.O.V.E. stands for “little things.” I have come to the conclusion that 90% of love is little things. Little things are as essential to love as breathing is to life.
In fact, let me be presidentially perfectly clear: There is no love without little things. There are three kinds of little things and all of them are essential.
The first is kind thoughts.
This is where you say to yourself regarding the other, “I will only think good things about the other always.” The challenge here is controlling negative thoughts after negative encounters with people. I do this by telling myself “It is not about me” which turns out to be the case most of the time. I also use “There must be something going on here that I don’t know about or is unknowable.”
A great self talk script is “Most crises resolve without intervention within a few minutes or hours.” This help me not be negatively emotionally drawn into drama.
It takes a little work to deal with negative thoughts and replace them with good kind thoughts but it is worth it. This is the work of love.
These are some kind thoughts:
“She did that so well.”
“I like how creative he is.”
“She makes me smile.”
“I appreciated him so much.”
“I wonder what is motivating him to act that way.”
Here is another one, “She is fully capable to deal with all the complexities of any exchange.” You can build a substantial repertoire of kind thoughts. Kind thought are the foundation of little things.
Next is kind words.
The most common kinds words are “Please” and “Thank you.” Use them liberally. I also use “Yes, and…” “That’s great” “Good job” “I’m proud of you” “Way to go”. The ultimate kind word is a heart-felt “I love you!” How many affirmations can you come up with? You are so smart!
The third leg of little things is Kind Acts.
Kind acts are the most obvious way that the other receives your love. The most widely used kind act is the smile. Smiles are almost always reciprocated. Smiles are an innate automatic human response. They convey welcome, acceptance, safety and good will. Most people can discern a real smile from a forced smile but it is hard not to return even a forced smile. If there were only one kind act that you were able to do, smile! A soft touch and/or pat is a kind act as is a hug. A text, email, or timely note works wonders, as does a good back, neck or foot massage. Flowers are always kind. Taking out the garbage is a kind act. Unexpected little gifts work great as kind acts. And, of course, there is the famous random act of kindness.
How many kind acts can you create?
Little things are so simple and their efficacy is well documented. Some use a certain ratio of negative to positive interactions to indicated the health or pathology of a relationship. For your well-being and your effectiveness as a loving person make ALL your thoughts about the other good, only let kind words escape from your lips, and learn to smile at all times while spinning a web of kind acts to capture people with your love.
My ideal day of love is full of little things which help save the world.